GhenghisVol
June 6th, 2009, 07:39 AM
I know its early to be bashing Bama, but here you go.
From Rivals.
Wayfroy P. Jackson: 6'6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from Arkansas in the last ten years. Loves music. Will demand a mini-cassette in his helmet. Holds world record for the most "you know whuht ahm sayin's" during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfroy can print his complete name.
Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6'3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state scoring record out of Melrose High School, Charlotte, N. C. Also, led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" color TV under each arm.
Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6'1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler, Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well. Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red brick".
Woodrow Lee Washington: 6'8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 3rd generation welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children. Mother claims Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter trial pending, but feels he will be found innocent because, "The dude said something bad 'bout my Momma." On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20-20.
Billy Bob Bill: 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an Amtrack train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old. Thinks the N on Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge" but still meets this school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing number #32 jersey since it matches his score on his College Entrance Exam.
Tyrone "Python" Peoples: 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six other colleges, but was also willing to sign with us. Likes women and Cadillac’s. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company.
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball under the name Sylvester LeRoy Jones. Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Brookwood. Doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear". Doesn't know the meaning of very many other words either.
Note: School track coaches will use several of the above signees in the track program. However, instead of using a starting gun at track meets, they will be using a burglar alarm.
From Rivals.
Wayfroy P. Jackson: 6'6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver. Hottest prospect from Arkansas in the last ten years. Loves music. Will demand a mini-cassette in his helmet. Holds world record for the most "you know whuht ahm sayin's" during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfroy can print his complete name.
Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6'3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state scoring record out of Melrose High School, Charlotte, N. C. Also, led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" color TV under each arm.
Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6'1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler, Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well. Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red brick".
Woodrow Lee Washington: 6'8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 3rd generation welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children. Mother claims Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He has a manslaughter trial pending, but feels he will be found innocent because, "The dude said something bad 'bout my Momma." On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20-20.
Billy Bob Bill: 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarterback. Born on an Amtrack train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old. Thinks the N on Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge" but still meets this school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on wearing number #32 jersey since it matches his score on his College Entrance Exam.
Tyrone "Python" Peoples: 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other 9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent with six other colleges, but was also willing to sign with us. Likes women and Cadillac’s. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican Telephone Company.
Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball under the name Sylvester LeRoy Jones. Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Brookwood. Doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear". Doesn't know the meaning of very many other words either.
Note: School track coaches will use several of the above signees in the track program. However, instead of using a starting gun at track meets, they will be using a burglar alarm.